Trans and a Parent: One Dad on Finding Community

At Lil Helper, we think it’s important to celebrate all types of people and families. We are proud to host a diverse group of parents on our blog, so we can all learn from and connect with each other. Today we are sharing Alex’s story - a single parent, and a trans and gay dad. For more great parenting community, check out our Facebook group Lilhelper: Unsnapped.

Read on for Alex’s story.

I’m Alex. I’m a 20 year old parent, a trans and gay dad to my 2 year old son, Gray.

I carried Gray. I hadn’t started my medical transition when I was pregnant. I was out socially, and I knew my child would call me ‘Dad’. I love being called ‘Dad’, and I will constantly fight to be called ‘Dad’. I will fight to get people to understand I am a dad even though I gave birth. For me birthing my son doesn’t make me a mum or dad, it’s how I act and the role I choose to set for my son. 

5 main tips for being pregnant and not a woman! 

Don’t be afraid to correct people on your pronouns and they way you want to be addressed.

It’s difficult seeing your body change. Remember it’s not forever. It’s only for 9 months.

Set boundaries for what you are and aren’t comfortable with. If you don’t want people to touch your bump, let them know. If you don’t feel comfortable using the word pregnancy, let them know! 

It’s ok to feel not ok! During pregnancy lots of hormones change and you can feel like a different person.

Don’t feel forced to explain yourself and your situation! If you don’t feel comfortable explaining that you are pregnant and don’t identify as a woman that is ok. It is your story, explain if you feel comfortable doing so.

More of my story 

When Gray was 4 months old, I started my next step in my transition. I saw two different doctors and I traveled across the U.K. to see them. The second doctor I saw prescribed me with testosterone. Gray was 6 months old when I had my first injection and he came with me for all my injections and blood tests. 

I became a single parent at the age of 19. It was tough and I think it’s tough for all newly single parents. I felt isolated, being 19 with a 5 month old at home. As time progressed, I started to realize that I really enjoyed being a single parent. I get all the cuddles and all the special moments with my son and the bond we have is amazing. 

For me and Gray, going to the doctors is a normal occurrence. I have my testosterone injections every 3 weeks and I have blood tests done every 2-3 months.

Finding Community

Being a parent and a trans and gay dad can be isolating. There aren’t many people in the same position. If there is, normally they are in other cities, counties, and even countries. I’ve found so many online friends that we’re all going through the same thing all over the world. It makes you feel like you’re not alone and can talk to someone who knows exactly what it’s like. 

My main goal is to provide a happy life for my child regardless of the hate and transphobic people. I started my Instagram @daddy_to_gray to find more people in the same situation as a parent who is trans. I’m so taken back on how many people love hearing my story.

You’re less alone than you might think. What is something you have struggled with as a parent? Share in the comments and let’s all connect and continue to build each other up! We are all in this together. No matter the things that make us different, we just want what is best for our kids.

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